Monday, December 19, 2005

snow in lotusland

After a stretch of clear, crisp weather, the prediction for today is for warming and precipitation. I’m guessing the confluence of these two weather systems will result in at least a few hours of snowfall before that turns to rain.

Snow here on the wet coast is not a non-event like it is on the prairies where I grew up. It actually has the ability to wreak major disruption on life, tying up traffic, cancelling school and generally giving anyone who has the need to be out and about a major headache. This is at least in part because this is Lotusland, where the expectation is that sandals on our feet and summer tires on our cars is what we’re owed for being clever enough to have moved here and away from the winter the rest of Canada dishes out.

This email, passed on from sis-in-law in Thunder Bay, captures the prevailing attitude pretty well:

Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional one-quarter centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the Lower Mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Manitoba are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark,

Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire head office reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUVs actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority, reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

Anyway, we need to be driving into Vancouver tonight, right about the time this white stuff is supposed to be falling. Oh joy!


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