oh not to be young again!

My husband and I went to our son’s cd release event last night. He’s the drummer of the Christian punk rock threesome called "Just Stay Calm" (if you know punk, you’ll know they’re anything but).

And so we found ourselves in "The Loft" of a local church, easily the oldest in the room by generations. Feeling conspicuous and trying to blend in we parked ourselves against a wall, next to a lone girl who also looked out of place.

I introduced myself to her and she told me her name was Jennifer. I explained why we were there and asked if she attended this youth group all the time. She said she was new in town, was going to school taking a hair dressing course, and this was her first time here. She’d come with a friend, who had had to leave but was returning later.

We chatted a bit. Then the band got into motion and it was impossible to hear - even one’s own thoughts. We stayed for a few songs, connected with parents of one of the other band members, and, moving to a ‘quieter’ part of the room, even tried visiting a bit - shouting above the loud and louder music. All the while, I kept an eye on Jennifer. No one came over to say ‘hi.’ When we left, she was still standing there, alone in the crowd, waiting for her friend, and I’ll bet vowing she’d never come here again!

Seeing Jennifer took me back to being her age. In a way, I can understand why everyone ignored her. For one thing, they probably hardly noticed her, in their absorption with themselves and their own friends. For another – if they’re anything like I was at that age – they’re thinking it’s someone else’s job. Doesn’t it, after all, fall to the kids who are leaders and have tons of self-confidence to welcome strangers into the pack? Last night, it’s obvious those leaders were focusing on other things. Also, to be fair, she herself wasn’t putting much effort into making a friendly connection.

Being in that environment also made me think about church youth groups and their purpose. This group was obviously successful at affirming the talents of the band members by sponsoring their cd release. It looked to be doing a great job at providing a social outlet for its regulars. But as an outreach to strangers - what a flop! When I talked to Jennifer it was clear she came from a Christian background and probably knows the Lord. But if she had been a seeker, I doubt her impression of Jesus, as left by His children, would have whetted her appetite for more.

I hope Jennifer’s friend finally arrived. I hope last night’s experience ends up becoming, for her, more than the memory of hours spent alone in a room full of people, and a tear-soaked pillow later. I’ll bet it does one thing. I’ll bet it makes her more sensitive to the next lonely wallflower she sees. Sometimes a horrible experience like that is what it takes.