no condition is permanent

It feels like we are in a holding pattern right now – circling, circling but not given permission to land just yet. Or like a boat in dry dock – up on blocks instead of in our natural element, directing our days of puttering around in the water.

Mom has been in hospital a week today. Her condition remains unstable. She is on oxygen and getting some medication by mask. These seem to help her breathing. The doctor stopped by while we were visiting on Sunday. When I quizzed her about what is next and do we need to see about getting other arrangements in place, she hemmed and hawed, then beckoned me outside and told me the cold hard fact - Mom may never leave the hospital.

Of course Mom, as mentally chipper as she is, demanded, as soon as I reentered the room: “What did she way?”

I told her. And she knew. Somewhere in her gut she has known for a while.

Of course a miracle could happen. We pray that it does. But until then, it’s one day at a time, waiting, and handling whatever comes at us.

We will be giving notice on the assisted living apartment. Then E. and I need to clear it out. We’ll put things in storage.

In my ‘work life’ - man am I ever glad I don’t have transcription to worry about! But I do have a few writing-related things to get in order. That’s where it’s so important to listen. To get my assignments from God each day and do them. To act on those urges even though the calendar says I have lots of time.

In that vein, I look back and see that it was so a God-thing to get my kids’ devotional book proposal out when I did - in that little window of opportunity the few weeks when Mom was feeling better. I have also finished writing and nearly done tweaking my next FellowScript article, due July 1st. And yesterday I started putting together (that is, choosing, putting in order and doing edits on) my next book of poems (related to something I haven’t mentioned on here: in April I was appointed International Christian Poet Laureate by Utmost Christian Writers. One of the perks of that appointment is the publication of a book of poems, hopefully by Christmas 2006).

Yesterday this verse grabbed my attention:

“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed. A refuge in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9

(times = a particular time or season)

I feel like I am in one of those times or seasons at the moment. When such a time is on me, it feels like circumstances will never change, that such a time will never end. It’s in times like this I recall one of the sayings of a former pastor: “Just remember, no condition is permanent.”

In the meantime, I need to continually defer to God as my boss, my schedule and agenda-maker, my refuge. In that way, I know that someday I’ll look back on these days, weeks, even months and recognize them as a good time.

Photo: The boat hospital - Ward's Marina (at the Stewart Farmhouse), Surrey, B.C.