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A few months ago I set out to put up a weekly blog post about some aspect of aging. I've enjoyed exploring this reality, which is stepping on my toes more all the time!

In the last few weeks, however, I've decided to simplify my online life, especially the blogging part. One item that I've decided to strike from my 'to do' list is putting up these weekly senior-focused posts. The little cartoon above is the last one in this series. I hope it gives you a chuckle.

I'll still be updating promptings, now with more photos than writing. So I'd love it if you stuck around. Pictures are better for old eyes anyway!

card games

I'm learning so much in my Wednesday morning "Finances For Women" class. It's taught by a woman, around my age, who has worked for years as a financial planner. Her husband died a few years ago after a bout with cancer, which makes her perspective even more valuable and relevant to women aspiring to and entering retirement. Because there's a good chance that at some time in the next twenty years, many of us will be on our own:

"The average life expectancy for Canadians at age 65 is 20 years, with women outliving men by approximately eight years" - Kristin Doucet, Editor's Letter, Forum Magazine, May 2012


"The Canadian census reveals that close to one in three women above the age of 65 lives alone" - Peter Watson, Inside Halton.com.

One morning a couple of weeks ago we got on the topic of credit—credit cards, credit scores, that sort of thing. Our teacher, Ruth, related how shortly after her husband died she needed to put a large item on her credit card—a card they had held jointly but of which her now-deceased husband was the primary card-holder.

She found, to her chagrin, that the card was now useless and she had a hard time getting another one because of her non-existent credit score. She was eventually able to produce that score as a result of other financial transactions. However, her advice to us was:

1. Get yourself named as the person responsible for some of the regular payments you make for your household (hydro, telephone, internet) in order to establish a credit history and credit score.

2. Get your own credit card for two reasons: 1] to establish a credit history and score, and 2] so you have a credit card to use should your husband die suddenly.

The day of our discussion I checked with our credit card company and discovered that Ruth was absolutely right. If my husband died, the card we use jointly but of which he is the primary card-holder would be no good to me. I have since applied for my own card. Might as well head off one potential nasty surprise at the pass!

What other nasty financial surprises could be lurking down the road for someone newly widowed?

aging population? let's do a study!

Aging populations are on the minds of governments and social planners all over the world. Note for example:

• Aging population a challenge for Balkan nations

• Greying challenges ahead - re China

Canada is right in there with its attempt to keep on top of its aging population situation by implementing a Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging (CLSA).

The study's definition and purpose (as described on its website):

"The Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging (CLSA) is a large, national, long-term study that will follow approximately 50,000 men and women between the ages of 45 and 85 for at least 20 years. The study will collect information on the changing biological, medical, psychological, social, lifestyle and economic aspects of people’s lives. These factors will be studied in order to understand how, individually and in combination, they have an impact in both maintaining health and in the development of disease and disability as people age. The CLSA will be one of the most comprehensive studies of its kind undertaken to date, not only in Canada but around the world"

Locally the Simon Fraser Campus in Surrey is one of eleven Canadian sites for collecting this study's data. They held an open house with ribbon cutting and tours on October 4th. The site's lead investigator, Dr. Andrew Wister (chair of SFU's Gerontology Department) hopes the data will shed light on "'The many complex and interrelated biological, clinical, psycho-social and societal factors' that affect aging" (quoting from SFU Surrey joining long-term study into effects of aging, October 4, 2012,  The Province).

Living Lab

Sounds good. I just hope all that study doesn't take the place of action where it's already seen to be needed. In our province I often hear stories of acute care hospital beds occupied by the ill elderly until places in appropriate care homes can be found for them. It seems there's a lot  we already know about our aging population that could be acted on without 20 years' worth of study!

Footnote:

Here's a cool thing: SFU's  Dr. Tong Louie Living Lab

 Located in downtown Vancouver (7th floor of the BCIT downtown campus at 555 Seymour Street), the lab is made up of three spaces:

Experimental Space - an 800 square foot area with moveable walls and ceiling and equipped with audio, video and motion detection systems. It allows researchers to simulate real-life settings like kitchens bathrooms, apartments, nursing home settings and study how participants interact with their surroundings.

Viewing Theatre - space where the researchers watch what's going in the experimental space.

Data acquisition and Analysis centre - space where data from the video, audio, and sensors is collected and analyzed to develop and perfect new products and devices.

old and alone

An article titled "Aging alone: Planning can make those future years golden" (Denver Post) talks about the very real possibility that many of us will grow old alone without spouse or even kids nearby. The piece cites some action steps suggested by Nancy Orel of Bowling Green State University to  ensure comfortable golden years:

• Assess your personal situation.

• Consider and make a list of who to call in an emergency.

• Get a good lawyer

• Don't seclude yourself. Instead build a support system.

• Keep exercising body and mind.

• Consider what changes you may need to make to your house so that you can age in place.

• Stay positive; look forward to something

I love the Orel quote that ends the article:

"Have dreams and goals and objectives for the future. ... Many people fall prey to 'I'm old, I'm old, I'm old.' No. If people assumed they were going to live the maximum life span of 122 years, they'd look differently at their 70s."

(Read all of : Aging, alone: Planning can make those future years golden)

Of course the life of a single person can be much warmer and richer than the above list would imply. In her book Embracing Your Second Calling Dale Hanson Bourke tells of a time she took her sons to visit their  widowed great-grandmother Hanson. When they walked into her nursing home room at the time they had said they'd arrive from out of state, she wasn't even there.

"Oh, she's probably at Crafts or a Bible Study," the nurses said. "She's a busy lady."

When Bourke and her boys returned an hour later, there was Grandma Hanson in her room with a half dozen other guests. There were college students, a middle-aged woman, and a young couple with their toddler, all of whom Grandma was delighted to introduce to her granddaughter and great-grandsons.

During the several days of her visit Bourke recounts:

"Grandma had many more visitors of all ages. They seemed to arrive at all times of the day, and not one of them seemed to be there because they were worried that my grandma was lonely. They came because they loved seeing her, were seeking her advice, or just wanted to spend some time with someone with twinkling blue eyes and a big smile"  Dale Hanson Bourke, Embracing Your Second Calling, pp. 193, 194.

Why was Grandma so popular? It had a lot to do with decisions she had made earlier in her life. When, as a young mom, she felt hopeless about her life married to an alcoholic, she decided to take the kids to church and came to know God in a way that changed her and her boys. Eventually her husband came around too. She  taught Sunday School for sixty years and had known many of her adult visitors when they were children. She had watched them grow, get married and have kids of their own, genuinely loved them, and was interested in their lives.

Bourke concludes:

"Our family can trace our spiritual roots back to this humble woman, and I like reminding my sons that one person's decisions can influence the next generation. We have so much, thanks to Grandma Hanson" Bourke, p. 196.

Bourke adds this bit of wisdom after telling her grandmother's story:

"A common principle of good management is, 'Begin with the end in mind.' The point is simply to know where you want to end up so you keep aiming in the right direction" Bourke p. 196.

If our goal is to end up surrounded by friends and family like Grandma Hanson was, we'd do well to cultivate some of those friendships now, so that when we are old and alone, we're not reduced to frantically casting about for a lawyer, someone to go for a walk with, or names for the list of who to contact in an emergency.

Do you know some elderly singles like Grandma Hanson? What makes them well-liked and popular?

old friends

We decided to take the Vesuvius ferry off Saltspring in order to land at Crofton on Vancouver Island so we could rendezvous with old friends Charlie and Leslie. They have been on this blog before. Way back in 2005 we visited them in their home in Telkwa and explored Prince Rupert together.

There is something reassuring and right-feeling about connecting with friends from the past. We've known C&L since 2003 when Charlie and I met at one of Nathan Harms' poetry gatherings in Edmonton. Since then we've kept in touch loosely via email and poetry until we visited them in 2005. They finally repaid our visit last summer just before they made the big decision to leave the north and settle on Vancouver Island.

Our visit to them this August included a tour of their beautiful church, St. Michael and All Angels Anglican Church.

 ... a walk through the market where Leslie and I tried on hats made by (as per her business card) "The Bag Lady: Unique hand-crafted bags, purses and hats"...

...and around town. Here we are posed in front of "The Little Inn on Willow' billed as the world's smallest hotel.

Then they took us back to where they live and showed us their new home built on scenic property and Charlie's new shop (he makes custom boots).

Later in the week we spent time with Tom and Marnie. Marnie and I lived together when we both taught school in Hazelton, BC. Our families have holidayed together, we've bounced and cooed over each other's babies and now we're sharing the joy of grandbabies.

These relationships make me think of the importance of friendships. As we age they are more important than ever and not to be taken for granted. In a BBC Health article Dr. Trisha Mcnaire says:

"Loneliness is unfortunately a common problem in older age, and a significant contributor to depression, as people lose their lifelong partners or become isolated when families move away. Many chronic diseases contribute to a decline in mobility which makes it harder for older people to get out of their homes and maintain contact and meaningful relationships with friends. Research suggests that at least one in ten of the elderly lead isolated and lonely lives, starved of emotional support as well as practical help."

The article goes on to list and discuss nine ways we can help ourselves and our aging friends and relatives to maintain good relationships. Read all of "Emotional and Physical Relationships in Older Age."

A few random thoughts:

1. It's wonderful to have friends move nearer, rather than farther away.

2. Facebook has been great in helping me and my husband reconnect with old friends.

3. School reunions (we had a high school reunion last summer) have both exciting and disappointing moments.

4. It takes intention and effort on both sides to keep old friendships alive.

5. Meeting with friends who are roughly our age and grew up where we did or shared a portion of our lives has its unique pleasures. There's a lot to be said for some common history.

6. The friendship situation only gets worse the older we get and our friends die or move away. That reality was brought home to my 91-year-old mom when, at her apartment, she was slowly  surrounded by much younger strangers. It helped her make the decision to move to an assisted living facility (which we loved because it was closer to us).

Have your friendships changed as you age? How? How do you maintain old friendships—or do you?

"Old Friends" by Paul Simon/Art Garfunkel

retirement: scripted or impromptu?

Are you retired? Thinking of retirement? Planning for retirement?

An article titled "New Retirees: Avoid These Mistakes" lists seven things to watch out for in retirement. Four of the seven relate to money (not quitting before retirement is vested, having adequate health insurance, that sort of thing). The three remaining mistakes are:

• Moving to a place where you don't know anyone.
• Thinking your health will hold out forever.
• Spending too much time on travel and new hobbies.

The article got me thinking about how a person or couple might find themselves making those mistakes, and about retirement generally.

Personally one of the best things I did to prepare for this time of life was to get a little training and begin working as a freelance writer in my 50s. Ten years later I don't feel retired at all and am rarely bored or at loose ends with nothing to do (hubby is always bugging me to be more retired and less busy and scheduled). A friend of mine who has just retired from the federal civil service has spent evenings and weekends the last few years getting trained as an interior designer and decorator so she can start a whole new career in her retirement.

Of course if we are leaving satisfying work and a community of colleagues, retirement can feel very disorienting. As Dale Hanson Bourke describes it:

"My identity is no longer tied to a title or an organization .... If I cared to, I could certainly spin a good story when people ask what I'm doing nowadays; but most times, I don't bother. 'I'm doing a bit of this and that,' I reply. I've abandoned the ten-second power speech I once had ready to impress anyone who asked" - Dale Hanson Bourke, Embracing Your Second Calling, p. 104.

A friend of hers who is at the same life stage said:

"I'm no longer known as the president of my firm; I no longer have people being nice to me because of my position on the Board of Trade. My children are adults, and I am now challenged to find my new identity. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time" - Bourke, Op. Cit, p. 104.

What are your thoughts about retirement? Do you dread it? Look forward to it? Are you preparing for it in any way?

If you are retired, did you prepare for it or just let it unfold? How is it working out?

island adventure 8 - morning walks around Ganges

 Hubby and I tend to stick to the routine we keep at home when on holidays. This means we're up most mornings before 6 to have our quiet time of Bible reading, meditation, prayer, and coffee (on our own). Then at 8 o'clock (before we have breakfast) we go for a walk together.

Our morning walks on Salt Spring are a highlight of each day.

As an aside, that daily walk is one of the best things we've done for our health and fitness. Why? An article on MedicineNet.com cites ten health-related reasons to walk.


1. Prevents Type 2 diabetes.
2. Walking  strengthens your heart if you're male.
3. Walking strengthens your heart if you're female.
4. Walking is good for your brain.
5. Walking is good for your bones.
6. Walking helps alleviate symptoms of depression.
7. Walking reduces the risk of breast and colon cancer.
8. Walking improves fitness.
9. Walking in short bouts improves fitness too.
10. Walking improves physical function.

Writer Richard Weil expands on each reason in the article. Read entire...

But on our morning vacation walks around Ganges avoidance of diabetes, cancer and depression, improving bone, colon and brain health are the last things on our minds, because there is so much to see.  Of course I take my camera to record the nooks and crannies of the town. I'm always lagging  behind to snap just one more photo. Here are some of the things I find:

Murals

and tree-framed scenes

Sayings

and a tide pool still life.

Inspiring stuff around the school

The poster says: "This mural's purpose is to inspire everyone to protect and conserve water to ensure a healthy future for our rivers, lakes, oceans, and communities. Each fish painter has learned about the local watershed and how to keep it healthy."

"Dream Lofty Dreams, For As You Dream, So Shall You Become."

and boats in primary colors

Funky finds

The fruit-and-veggie festooned bike is outside of Bruce's Kitchen.


and a garden of dewy faces

Public works of art on land

and beauty reflected on water.

What a beautiful and interesting place!

memories

September 11th, 2001 is one of those days that will be forever engraved in my memory. Eleven years ago today after spending hours transfixed in front of the TV, I remember how strange it felt to go outside and find everything was normal. However the next morning the spooky quiet in the air—there wasn't a plane to be heard—told me that the long fingers of the unthinkable thing that had happened the day before in New York had indeed reached thousands of miles across the continent to me.

But as significant as the day was and is, it is also fading from my memory and our collective memories. Just think, there is a whole generation of kids eleven years and younger who have no memory of this day whatever because they weren't around when it happened.

Other important days are fading too. This year we lost Neil Armstrong—the first man who walked on the moon. His passing sparked a storm of nostalgia and prompted me to think back to the momentous day when a human first touched the moon. To tell you the truth, I could recall very little of it.

How well do you remember:

- the death of J. F. Kennedy?
- the fall of the Soviet Union?
- the kafuffle around Y2K?
- the beginning of the Iraq war?
- the tsunami of December 26, 2004?
- Hurricane Katrina?

Chances are if you remember a national or international event, it is because there is a part of your personal story that connects with that event.

Is remembering the past important? I think it is because:

•  it helps us understand the present.

• as we think back of heroic actions and reactions it revives our faith in human strength and resilience.

• if we're people of faith, it certainly strengthens our faith in God as we reflect on His faithfulness through hard times and in bringing us to this point.

• it is interesting.

• it's part of the legacy we can leave our kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids.

What significant days from history do you remember? What about your personal history? Have you or are you preserving your memories in any way?

I love the bronze sculpture "The Veteran Sailor" (by Nathan Scott, on display at Ship Point Plaza on the Victoria B.C. waterfront) of a sailor, holding a  copy of The Daily Colonist with the headline "Peace in Europe: Germany Surrenders!"

He looks happily onto another scene, "The Homecoming" (also by Nathan Scott) on this memorable day—a day of which I have no memory because I wasn't born yet. Probably most of you weren't either. Fortunately lots has been written about that day so we can live it vicariously.

Addendum:

After posting this piece on memories, I ran across an example of how important it is to hand down memories. Kitty Werthmann is a woman who grew up in Austria (she now lives in the U.S.A.) and remembers how Hitler came to power there. If you listen to her story,  you'll pick up on some of the shocking parallels between western society today and Austrian and German society in the 1930s (She tells her story on three videos).



Kitty Werthmann's story - Part 2

Kitty Werthmann's story - Part 3

a pastor to seniors tells it like it is

One of the things I've wanted to do from the time I started my focus on aging and seniors issues is to interview real seniors and the people who love them.  I was thrilled when the seniors pastor at my church, Arlene Trauter, agreed to do an interview right here on the blog. Her photo is only a glimpse of the vivacious personality and warm heart that so endear her to us.

Here are my questions and her answers:  

1. How long have you been a pastor to seniors?  

Pastor Arlene: 10 ½ years

2. What attracted you to the job & how did you get started? 

Pastor Arlene: I have had a great love and appreciation for senior citizens since I was a small child.  I was asked to give leadership to the CLA Seniors’ Ministry when Pastor Don Cantelon stepped down and directed his attention to the Visitation Pastoral role.  

3. What are the things you do as a pastor to seniors? 

Pastor Arlene: I plan, organize and facilitate weekly/ monthly events (including a dinner), trips and special events for seniors.  I am presently planning a 12 day trip to Israel for May/2013.  In overseeing this ministry, I contact guest speakers/musicians,   recruit volunteers, work with an executive, have a ministry to widows, call & make contact with seniors.

4. What’s your favorite thing about this job?  And what other things do you enjoy? Not enjoy?

Pastor Arlene: My favorite thing is to provide care and value to a group of people that are so often overlooked   I love seniors and I love to be around them.   

I love hearing their stories and gleaning from their lifetime of experience.  I love learning from them.   There will never be another generation like them!   

Not enjoy?  I find it hard when seniors pass away.   That is the hardest thing about my job.

5.    Has this job changed you?  If so, how? 

 Pastor Arlene: Yes it has. I have learned so much from this generation in terms of them being….. hard working, persevering, forgiving,  predictable, consistent, strong, faithful, trustworthy, content and having a ‘never giving up on life’ attitude.  They have experienced hard times and I love that pioneer spirit, survivor mentality, overcoming mindset and an unshakable faith and trust in God that so many embrace.  I believe that this job has challenged me to greater appreciate the wonderful life that I am so privileged to enjoy!

6.    What have you learned about your own aging as you’ve worked with seniors?  And how have these insights impacted your life?

Pastor Arlene: I have learned that how you view growing older has more to do with your mind than your body.   Staying positive and upbeat and seeing the glass half full, rather than half empty is the way to live.  

However, we do need to care for our body through proper nutrition and exercise and staying active.  We also need to be involved with things that we love to do and that bring us life.  

Keeping our mind sharp by reading, taking a class, playing games, doing puzzles, learning new aspects of the  computer world, travelling etc. is a bonus as we age and keeps us young at heart.   

Keeping a great sense of humor and not taking yourself so seriously has to be one of the best things we can do as we age.  Grumpiness is a downer and will keep people at bay.  

Community is also so important and having good friends and staying in close touch is vital as we age.  We were meant to do life together and not in isolation.   

On a spiritual note,  Psalms 10 states that God satisfies my years with good things, and that my youth is being renewed like the eagles.  I am not growing older, but better!  I desire to live with a cheerful heart and to nurture an attitude of gratitude.   I must keep looking to God, believing and trusting Him in all things! 

(Those insights have shown me) that life truly is a gift!  That I must not wait until everything is perfect in my life before I decide to enjoy this amazing journey!  I need to embrace and live life to my full potential now! 

7. What qualities are helpful for people working with seniors?  

Pastor Arlene: Patience…….. giving value to them, by being attentive and hearing what they have to say……….respecting and honoring them…………….embracing their life experience and asking them questions about their journey…..giving quality time.

8. What advice would you give seniors about relating to their church and the pastors who shepherd them?  

Pastor Arlene: Seniors must guard their heart against criticism, because change is inevitable.  There is a book out entitled Change is Inevitable, but Misery is Optional.  Although this book isn’t about seniors, this book title is appropriate for aging seniors  because they will be confronted with the choice either to go forward with  change and embrace it, or stay ‘stuck’ in the past.  The church does not look like it did 60 years ago, although the message is the same.   And the music is not the same as it was even 20 years ago.   If seniors can embrace change in their church and pray for and encourage their leadership, this will be invaluable to them.

  (Emphasis added)

Thank you so much, Pastor Arlene! 

For readers in the 50+ age group, Langley, B.C. area,  we'd love to have you join us for the fall seniors program which begins in September. Check out the CLA Adult Ministries web page for information on how to contact Pastor Arlene and get details. 

aging nastiness—"cottonmouth"

In the last few years I have found I often wake up during the night with a very dry mouth. I never connected this with aging, however, until one day my husband came home with a mouthwash sample from his doctor designed to help with this very thing in aging specimens like us. So dry mouth is another symptom of aging? Who knew?

A little sleuthing around on the internet led me to some interesting information about this rather common condition. Here are a few fast-facts (gleaned from the article "Dry Mouth and Its Effects on the Oral Health of Elderly People" from the Journal of the American Dental Association—JADA.

Causes of dry mouth (the medical name for the condition is xerostomia)

1. Drugs
The street drug methamphetamine is notorious for producing dry mouth. So is alcohol.

2. Aging
The aging of the saliva glands per se may not be the problem, since aging brings along with it a lot of other baggage, such as:

• Chronic illnesses like diabetes, Alzheimer's, and Sjogren's Syndrome.

• Medications, both over-the-counter and prescription drugs given for conditions of aging. Some known to cause dry mouth are anti-depressants, diuretics, alpha and beta blockers and many more (consult the article above for a more complete list).

• Nighttime dryness. I quote from the article above: "Nighttime mouth dryness is most common because salivary output reaches its lowest circadian levels during sleep and the problem may be exacerbated by mouth breathing."

3. Chemotherapy

4. Radiation therapy

Why is dry mouth a bad thing?

1. It's uncomfortable.
 

2. Saliva is necessary for mouth health and tooth preservation.

What can you do about it?

1. Visit the doctor to discover the cause behind your dry mouth symptoms,  especially if this is a major, continuing, quality-of-life problem.

2. If it's a problem during the day, chew sugarless gum, mints or candy to stimulate saliva production.

3. To guard against tooth decay, brush teeth at least twice a day, floss, and visit the dentist more often.

4. Use mouthwashes and rinses. I've been using the Biotene rinse my husband's doctor recommended (with indifferent results, I might add;  I'm not convinced it's making much difference).

5. My solution: park a bottle of water on my bedside table. Then when I wake at night with cottonmouth, pasties, drooth,  or doughmouth I just take a sip and look forward to morning when my mouth will feel normal again.  

Related:

Xerostomia (Wikipedia)

Dry Mouth (Dr. David Fox)

promptings potpourri (grumpy old people etc.)

My brain needs a break from dwelling on its degeneration. This week I have a potpourri of links so you can read what others have to say about the topic of aging from a variety of perspectives.

On Physical aging:

From the Globe and Mail: "For Diane Keaton, aging is to laugh."

Also from the Globe and Mail: "Why is walking in the woods so good for you?" (I'd say at any age!)

On Social aging:

From BBC NEWS: "Grumpy old people 'can't help it'" (an article about why oldsters don't get the joke; don't miss the comments).

On old thoughts and ideas:

As someone who is of a different generation than the movers and shakers of today, do you sometimes feel like the younger generation views your thoughts and ideas as irrelevant? "Like compounds and breakfast items, all ideas do not expire equally. We are thus badly mistaken to dismiss a thought solely because it is old," writes Jill Carattini in the article "Expiration Date" on the RZim.org site.